Functional dissociation in traumatic grief: a clinical analysis of "grief is the thing with feathers"

Authors: Massimo Lattanzi, Tiziana Calzone

Affiliations: AIPC (Italian Association of Psychology and Criminology), CIPR (Italian Center for Relational Psychotraumatology), ONOF (National Observatory on Family Homicides).

Abstract

This paper analyzes the dynamics of sudden bereavement and family reorganization through the lens of Relational Psychotraumatology. Using Max Porter’s work Grief is the Thing with Feathers as a case study, it explores the phenomenology of trauma in a family unit (father and two sons) struck by the mother's death. The article examines the figure of "Crow" not as a fantasy element, but as the materialization of a dissociative defense mechanism necessary for the homeostatic regulation of primary emotional systems (Panksepp). It highlights how defensive aggression, magical thinking, and regression in the service of the Ego are fundamental stages for the transition from paralyzing despair to the integration of grief.

Keywords: #Relational Psychotraumatology, #Traumatic Grief, #Primary Emotional Systems, #Dissociation, #Defense Mechanisms, #AIPC, #CIPR.

1. Introduction: The perspective of relational psychotraumatology

Forensic Relational Psychotraumatology is the discipline that analyzes and measures the impact of relational traumas on psychological and behavioral dynamics. In this context, grief is not a punctiform event but a complex relational process involving the survivor's identity.

In Max Porter's text, the protagonist (Dad) experiences grief as a "four-dimensional" event, transforming him into a "robotic architect" of a meaningless daily life. This condition of emotional freezing corresponds to a hyper-activation of the FEAR system and the PANIC/GRIEF system (according to Jaak Panksepp's model), which inhibits the capacity for care (CARE) and social interaction.

2. Crow as "self-object" and toxic container

Crow’s irruption into the narrative coincides with the peak of traumatic stress. Clinically, Crow is not an external entity, but a dissociated projection of the protagonist's psyche. He acts as a "toxic container" for the unacceptable aspects of pain: rage, the stench of death, animal instinct.

2.1 The regulation of threat systems

2.2 While the "Social Father" must maintain civil behavior and accept condolences, the "Crow-Self" acts out primitive defense mechanisms:

• Defensive aggression (acting out): Crow brutally attacks the "demons" of pity and social voyeurism threatening the family "nest." This function allows the father to preserve a safety boundary without social exposure.
• Activation of the rage system: The father's depressive apathy is countered by Crow's aggressive vitality. Rage, at this stage, is a vital engine preventing psychotic collapse.

3. The defense of the nest and the pedagogy of trauma

The textual analysis highlights how trauma modulates the children's activity. They do not seek the adults' "emergency language," but process absence through the PLAY system and storytelling. Crow assumes the role of an unconventional therapist ("babysitter," "analyst"), applying a form of Inverse Rationalization. Instead of intellectualizing death (a constant temptation for the father, a Ted Hughes scholar), Crow brutalizes it, reducing it to "flesh" and matter. This forces the family system to remain anchored to physical reality, preventing a dissociative flight into academic abstraction.

4. From adaptation to integration: "permission to leave"

The implicit therapeutic path ends not with the disappearance of pain, but with the end of despair. Crow declares: "I will only leave when you no longer need me." His departure marks the moment when the father is able to reintegrate the split parts of the Self. The scattering of ashes, described as a chaotic event ("a failure of the clouds"), represents the acceptance of life's imperfection. The scream "I LOVE YOU" addressed to the wind signals the reactivation of the CARE system and the ability to invest affectively again, not despite the pain, but with the pain integrated into identity.

5. Conclusions

Through the lens of AIPC Relational Psychotraumatology, Grief is the Thing with Feathers reveals itself as a phenomenological manual on trauma survival. It demonstrates how defense mechanisms, even the most grotesque or aggressive ones (embodied by Crow), are functional attempts to protect the core of the Self until internal resources are sufficient to face the new reality. As emphasized in AIPC research, it is the capacity to move through these states, rather than avoiding them, that determines the possibility of healing.

References:

• Lattanzi, M., & Calzone, T. (2025). Elements of Forensic Relational Psychotraumatology. AIPC Editore.
• Porter, M. (2016). Grief is the Thing with Feathers. Faber & Faber.
• Panksepp, J. (Theoretical reference to primary emotional systems: SEEKING, FEAR, RAGE, LUST, CARE, PANIC/GRIEF, PLAY).

Institutional contacts and websites:

• AIPC (Italian Association of Psychology and Criminology): aipcitalia@gmail.com
• Website: www.associazioneitalianadipsicologiaecriminologia.it
• WhatsApp: +39 3924401930

Film and screenplay references:

• Lattanzi, M. (Ed.). (2025). The Hidden Statistic. Video screenplay for raising awareness on male grief and violence.